| Another rant on friendships... |
[16 Nov 2009|05:31pm] |
Another thing I'm sick of are people who fake an interest in my life or what I have to say. And the closer those people are to me, the less I tolerate it. Over the life of my Facebook I've been friended by people who I know are those kind of people. I want the people who are my friends to have the a legitimate interest in me, just as much as I have a legitimate interest in my friends.
I just absolutely DESPISE fakers and poseurs.
I also wonder what my friends think of me, like, how do I fit in their lives. My friends fit in my lives in a very certain way: they fit into a particular role perfectly. Maybe I want to have a funny friend. Or an intelligent friend. Or maybe I want to know them for THEM. That's always on the table. Other people also happen to be some of the most important people of my life, those of which would have made me into a completely different person if I never met them.
But it's hard to ask certain people of that. There are these invisible lines we all have that we know must never be crossed. As much as I wish these lines didn't exist, even *I* have my line that I hope a person never crosses. Sometimes though I just wish I could ask a friend a question... ANY question... and not fear any consequence of asking nor fear that I did cross that line.
One question would be simple: Who am I to you? Why do you want to know me? Why do you care about me?... and stuff of that nature.
I just sometimes fear asking these questions might create drama or a situation neither of us would want to get into.
Of course, if people want to ask me the same, I'll give them a fairly straight answer response. Everyone I know is rated on a scale from 0 to 100, where absolute strangers start at 50. Likewise, as time goes on, people will naturally gravitate towards 50, regardless of what position they're were at. People can also do things to up or lower their rating, and sometimes someone's own position on the chart is based on the very virtue of who that person is (like family gets an automatic high rating simply because they're family).
I created this system simply because it was difficult trying to determine where the border between "friend" and "acquaintance" lies. Or how to define someone who is bigger than a friend but not family or any other term. It simply because easy for me to just quantify a friendship with someone in numerical terms, thus removing from my mind the difficulties of defining "friend", "acquaintance" and so on.
Of course, it is possible to translate the system into words, simply because people's positions tend to clump together. Like, say, there is a ton of people between 95 and 90, but one or two between 90 and 75, and then a ton of more people between 75 and 70. Obviously the clump between 95 an 90 are "true friends" while the clump between 75 and 70 are just "friends". Easy, yes?
Likewise, if they ask "who am I to you?" I would have an equally simple, non-drama-creating response. Like I said, the people I know fit into roles. Most of the time the roles are titled by their own name... like if I want a "Frank Teskors" in my life, then I'll get "Frank Teskors" to fill in that role (I mean, he'd be PERFECT for the role!). The lower down on the chart I go, the less specific the roles get and the more general they become. Sometimes I just want a person who is a hipster in my life, and that particular friend of mine fits that role perfectly. Further down it becomes even more vague and generic, like if I want a lady friend or a male friend or a coworker friend or something. I also figure that the lower down the chart I go, the less and less important the relationship/friendship is to define, or the less and less people care to define it.
Basically it just boils down to my desire to see inside people's heads and learn more about my position in the lives of everyone around me. I crave definition in my life, beyond that of what I can give myself. I mean, sure, I'm quite capable of being self-sufficient, looking inward for contentment and pleasure, and I'm fulfilled quite easily by my own actions. That is, half of me is. The other half of me--the human half--is a very social being, it fears isolation, and thus looks outwards for meaning. I WANT to know why people like me, why people want to know me, why people want to be my friend. What the meaning is in our friendship/relationship. And if the potential is there to go further (whatever, where ever "further" is)?
But like I said, there are these invisible lines we know not to cross... it's an unwritten rule. If those lines are crossed, we dive deep into the exposed core of our inner selves, one that is protected by an outer, mostly impenetrable (and possibly candy-coated) shell. Some people don't mind having their core "invaded" from time to time, and frankly sometimes expose it for that purpose. I know I do! But others don't want to have that core reached... and unfortunately it's sometimes hard to tell who will let you do what without consequence. I fear walking into territory that even I--as their friend--aren't allowed to tread.
And it's usually those who keep their cores closed tight that makes us want to dive into it that much more.
Many a-person's core I can see why they would want to keep tight. They left it open for me before and all I did was tear it to shreds. Now it's closed tight--though hopefully not for good--and it's gonna take a long time before it'll ever reopen again. It's something I feel it would be worth working towards, though.
I also never realized how flat my face is, nor how ugly I am without a mustache.
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| My Chinese Name |
[27 Aug 2009|12:47pm] |
I choose this to be my Chinese name: 辦懰屁日僕
辦 - ban4: manage, do, handle; deal with
懰 - liu2: be glad, pleased, delighted
屁 - pi4: break wind; fart; buttocks
日 - ri4: sun; day; daytime
僕 - pu2: slave, servant, I
Sending 辦懰屁日僕 into Google Translate, I get "Do lovely fart on servant". So, I choose my name to mean "make a delightful fart on slaves/servants", or really, I shit on people helping me, I prefer my independence.
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| My name in different languages. |
[15 Aug 2009|05:39pm] |
OK so my full name is Philippe Cho Van Lieu. Broken down it means:
* Philippe - French interpretation of "Affection for horses" in Greek; phile (affection, interest) + hippos (horse).
* Cho - common Korean family name, which is related to the Chinese Zhao, which was a Chinese State during the Warring States period.
* Van Lieu - Flemish-Dutch for "from/of Lieu", "Lieu" being a location
So thus, my name is "Curious for Horse from the State of Zhao and Lieu".
In that case, my name in various languages would translate to:
* ROMAN (full): Amoequus Zhaous Tondeous f. Plaustrumus n. tribu Locus Fridericus Stolidus, domo Statiourbs
--- BREAKDOWN:
--- Amoequus - Amo = interest, equus = horse
--- Zhaous - belonging to the gens Zhao
--- Tondeous f(ilio). - son of Tondeous (which is Latin for Sherman which I made up; tondeo meaning "I cut", and "Sherman" meaning "man who shears [wool]"... pretty creative, huh?)
--- Plaustrumus n(epo). - Grandson of Plaustrumus (Grandfather's name was Wayne, which means "waggon", and plaustrum is Latin for Wagon)
--- tribu Locus - of the tribe Locus (Lieu is rooted in the latin word Locus, which means place)
--- Fridericus - Belonging to the Fridericus branch of the clan (My great-gratherfather was Fredrick, which the Latin name for is Fridericus)
--- Stolidus - "the Dumb" (Romans were given ironic nicknames, like "the bald" for someone who has lots of hair, "the quiet" for someone who doesn't shut up)
--- domo Statioubrs - my current residence is at Statiourbs (which is Latin for "Daly City", "Daly" from the Irish word "Ó Dálaigh", which is possibly rooted in the word for "assemblyman" or "counsilor", and Statio is "assemblyman")
* ROMAN (short): either Fridericus or Amoequus Zhaous
... More to come. :)
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[15 Aug 2009|10:26am] |
Anyone else see those commercials about the word "gay" being used as a bad word and that it should be stopped?
Where's my commercial about people using word that are prejudice against left-handed people, like "sinister", "coming out of left field", or that Jesus sat on God's right hand? There is so much prejudice against lefties and yet I don't get a commercial. WHERE'S MY COMMERCIAL?!
Or for gays who don't like the word "gay" being used as a bad word? Deal with it. And don't give me that line "what if everything bad was called 'blue-eyes' or 'blond haired'?" I've had to deal with being left handed as if it was a bad thing.... and there's no left-pride movement either to support me.
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